BE Informed No. 50

HOW TO BE CLUB PRESIDENT

Ray Dio III

   Q.    SOS! MAYDAY! Please help.  I've just been elected president of our radio club.  What should I do?

   A.  Don't panic!  Take a deep breath and count to ten.  Follow this advice and, with some luck, you may get through it alive.   Always be humble, at least until after the coronation.  Enjoy the first month in your new position during which, by tradition, you are entitled to blame everything on the previous president.  From then on, all of the blame goes directly to you - even for things that happened before your grandparents were born.  Hams have very long memories about what was or wasn't done, but very fuzzy memories about who did or didn't do it. Smile, mumble and shake hands a lot.  Most importantly, however, do not be distracted by your new title.  At all times, keep in mind that you are really not in charge of anything.  Hams elect club presidents only to have someone to take the heat for those things over which no one has ever had under control and no one will ever have under control.

   To prevent any possibility of re-election, dig your hole as deeply as possible. Surprise everyone by calling for a sweeping new program.  Better yet, catch them off-guard by changing the name of the club.  Try moving the meetings to different locations and times.  Use your position while in office to best advantage.  First off, make certain that the club treasury will be financially strong by doubling the dues.  For security reasons, move the club assets to a secret bank account offshore.  Stake out a comfy QTH in a distant city where they can't find you. Have your getaway plan well rehearsed. 

   Q.  I'm new to ham radio and have just joined our local radio club.  What is a "business" meeting?

   A. It means they couldn't obtain a interesting speaker for that program, so they're going to play the weary old business meeting game. 

   Warning! Do not join in this game until you have memorized entirely and understand fully the following procedure:

1. The Chairperson will call for new business.

2. One member will take the floor and introduce the issue: "Someone should do something about ________." The more trivial the issue is, the better the game action will be.

3. A heated debate will follow, all of which will have little or nothing to do with the issue.

4. The Chairperson will ask for volunteers to work on resolving the issue.

5. At this critical point, make no quick movements! Do as the others do and avoid eye contact with the Chairperson. Just look upward slowly and count silently the number of ceiling tiles.

6. Finding no volunteers, naturally, the Chairperson will announce the decision whether to fix the blame on the FCC or on the League.

7. The game is over.

 Caution: Should someone mention the words "constitution" or "by-laws," flee the premises immediately!  These threatening words signal that the meeting will drag on late into the night and - outside of a few massaged and bruised egos - nothing will be accomplished.

   Q.  Our repeater would be so much better off if wasn't for one of our club members.  The way he talks is annoying to the rest of us.  What do you suggest?

   A. Inform him of your displeasure with his anti-social conduct. Before doing so, however, walk one full mile in his shoes.  That way, you will have a one-mile head start and he won't have shoes!

January 2, 2010

Supersedes all prior issues.